My Journey With Jesus

What is your Testimony?
I used to really abhor that question....

Growing up in church, coming to a saving knowledge of Christ when you are 7....  I used to think....  Really?  what sort of "testimony" does a person saved at 7 have?

When testimonies were given  it seemed as though everyone with a "good" one had been an alcoholic, drug addict, was homeless, and jobless until they met Jesus.  All well and good, but it makes "I became a Christian at 7" for a sum total of a testimony, look pretty paltry.

Thinking that no one really ever wanted to hear my one sentence testimony...  I kept silent on the subject whenever it came up.

I am not sure when it happened really, I can't put a finger on a time or a place, but God impressed upon me that I indeed have a story to tell.  He showed me the places where he had been working in my life, how He held me as I walked through life.  How he used certain circumstances in my life to correct me and turn my life around......

And then he told me to talk about it.........  ugh. The dreaded public speaking portion of the program.... I said ...  ugh... right?

Striving to be obedient, and inwardly cringing the ENTIRE time... I signed up to give my testimony at a ladies fellowship breakfast later in the year........

I feel it is important to share it here, with you all, my bloggy friends....  I am by no means perfect, but I am forgiven (many times repeatedly... because I am such a slow learner and all) 

So here it is...

My journey with Jesus........

I was forgiven of my sins as a child.
I remember it well.
I was 7.
It was in my aunt’s kitchen in Pomona, California.
I knew that Jesus had died on the cross for my sins, and risen again so I might have eternal life. I believed that, asked for His forgiveness, and was saved.

I spent my childhood learning about the Lord and doing "church things".  I sang in choirs, attended Pioneer Girls, Youth Group, Missions Trips.......  all the things you are "supposed" to do when you go to church. 

As I entered high school, I left the shelter of a private christan school, and there were many things in public high school to tempt me.
I wanted to be cool and fit in.
It seemed like every person who went to church with me, and went to my high school, drank, smoked, dabbled in drugs, and those who didn’t..... were total nerds.

I lacked personal conviction....
my roots did not run deep.....

You see, in all my church attendance, I had never cultivated a relationship with Christ.
We we were more like acquaintances.
Someone I would say hi to twice a week.... kinda like those friends you only hung out with because your parents were friends with their parents....and you had to be nice....

I began to live a double life.  At school, I smoked, dabbled in drugs, as well as a multitude of other things I am not proud of and I enjoyed it all..... 
then on Wednesday nights and Sundays I was a “good church girl”.


The double life became a single life soon after graduation. I was no longer compelled to attend church, and as I moved out on my own, my life of sin became more appealing. I was just living like everyone else was.. I still loved Jesus...
At least that was what I told myself.
I knew Him........
I just didn’t want to go to church or be considered different. Jesus and me weren't seen hanging out too often...........

God hadn't given up on me though.
Even when I ignored Him.........Even though I had been down right RUDE.

Gently, tenderly, the Lord allowed many consequences to enter into my life.
I became pregnant. This was pretty devastating. Even though I wasn't living the life I should have been...I knew how bad it would look to people who had heard me say I was a Christian....
We got married.... There was unfaithfulness. 
After two children, I walked through the pain of a divorce.

All the while He was gently reminding me He was there, He would carry my burden, I only needed to surrender it to Him and just follow.

I started back to church, so sure that everyone could see my scarlet letters...
S for single mom.........
D for  divorce ........
F for failing to do it on my own.

Walking back into church hurt and broken, where EVERYONE knew me from childhood, was hard.
It was humbling....and it was right where God knew I needed to be.
I needed to be at the end of myself.
I surrendered.
I asked him to forgive me for all the ways I had fallen short, where I had pierced his side, both actively and unintentionally.

This was when I began my walk with the Lord.
He led.
I followed.

He was patient with me (and still is)  as I would get distracted and return to some of my sins.

He is always there.....
ready to forgive....
My walk with Him has changed me. It has challenged me to look more like Him and less like the world around me.

Things still happen....  I still have to walk through problems, many of which would be considered by even Christian friends as "wrong, horrible, or devastating". 
 
The difference is, I am not alone. 
 
I can face these things because I know that God is in control.  I can rest in the fact that He will work things out according to His perfect will.... even if the situation is filled with pain for me.
 
I know that God is there to hear me, and comfort me when I cry out to him from the bottom of my soul. 
 
My faith in Him, is my hope, without that hope, I would be lost.