Monday, June 22, 2009

A matter of degrees

I don't know how to answer people.........

I don't' know what to say when they ask "how's your dad?" " any news?" "update?"

I am sure to anyone who has a loved one in the middle of an illness, these questions become harder and harder to answer. I know I have friends that have been through so much, and are still in the midst of it, so I might just be venting to the choir here.....

I tell you that the flippant, sarcastic side of me wants to say " Fine, he is great for a guy with three tumors in his head..." or, " still breathing"..... there are others, but really I am sure you get the point.

Then there is the clinical answer.... his tumors have stopped growing.
This is indeed good news, but it gives a false picture, because "how he is doing" is based on so much more than the fact that those vile bumps in his head have stopped growing.

I wish, no, I ache to be able to say " he is all better, back to work and doing great".... but I may not really be able to say that until the Lord calls him home....

The things that we see, that will cause us to tell you he is great.... or doing better, or doing fine are...

He remembered some one's name right without being prompted.
He was able to smoothly speak a sentence without being frustrated over not being able to "find" the words he is trying to say.
He didn't stumble too much today.
He was able to communicate to you what he wanted or needed.
When you tell him, " I love you dad." He is having a good day if he says, " i love you too" instead of " i know you do".
If he is able to comfort my mom when she is sad.
If he doesn't lose his way going from one room to another.
He ate two full meals and a snack, and he didn't tell you his food tasted like crap.

So when we say "fine" know that we are measuring even the smallest of accomplishments.

It is very hard to have to watch someone who you love be overcome by disease and all the side effects that go with it. It is hard to see them trapped by their own mind. To be held hostage as it were, by his brain.

It is even harder to watch your other family members care for him day in and day out with such tenderness and love, and to wish that you were there to help more. Yet, it is comforting to know that God answers your prayers, and has used His church, the members of HIS body, to encourage, uplift and support your family in ways far greater that you could ever hope for.

So for all of you who call, write, message, pray,... when you ask us how he is doing, and we pause.... we are searching for a way to tell you how all the small sweet things mean so much, and if we have a casual response, it may just be because we can't find the words to express it very well ourselves.

1 comment:

  1. thank you for putting it so clearly. i'm no good with this sort of thing, you know that, but i'm your friend so i'm like sposta ask or something... but now i'll wait for you to share and i'll be praying for our God of comfort to comfort and our joy producing God to keep it up. i'm glad amy is keeping her notebook. let her know i pray for her and your mom and sister too. and i'm gonna pray em real prayers not just tem good etiquitte ones...


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