Sunday, November 15, 2009

He is near to those with broken hearts

Many of you know that my dad very recently passed away. It helps me to think of it as he graduated to glory.... passed away seems so empty , and dad's life isn't over, he just went to be with the Lord.... and that is so much more joyful to me than "passed away".... anyway... sorry for the tangent... i will get back on track now..

So dad is in heaven, and mom is sad. This we have discussed. .... So today, being Sunday, I asked her if she was going to come to church ( she hasn't been since we found out that dad had a new tumor.) As i expected... she hemmed and hawed.... so i pushed a bit harder... after her saying " don't bug me " and me leaving her alone, she decided that she would come.... and in my head, i was doing the happy dance!

I told her, people love you, and care for you, they ask about you all the time. They know you are hurting and they want to love up on you.... knowing that the mere kind look by someone, can make her and I go into tears, we planned to meet up and i would walk the lobby with her. So armed with Kleenex... we brave the lobby. We actually made it through without too many hugs and tears.

When service started, that is when it happened. The music came on, and the words go straight to your heart. And the tears begin to flow. Since i have been here in Ca. and since we knew dad had a new tumor, and all that it entailed... i haven't made it through a service at church without tears. Today, with mom, was no exception.
The tears come as almost an overwhelming expression of worship. The words to "shout to the Lord", where you are singing ( or trying to rather... cuz it is hard to sing out loud when you are crying ) praise after praise... affirming WHO God IS... in the midst of this time of sadness.... well, it is just beautiful. So beautiful that the tears just flow. "Great is Thy Faithfulness" again has so much more intensity when viewed through a valley in your life....

I am beginning to understand how perfect His strength is in my weakness.
And today, I experienced Psalm 34:18. It was the essence of my experience today in church.... and i hope and pray it was my mom's too... because neither of us could sing.... just say the words in our head... and let God take the pain we had.

" The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit" ( NKJ ) .....Amen!

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