Friday, April 29, 2011

love, me.

Dear Friend,

It was good that you called.  Hearing your voice, made me keenly aware of its absence for these many years, and aware of  how shameful of a friend I have become to you.

It was good to hear of jobs and kids and life........ all that happens when time slips by.

I wish I lived closer.  In the days since our talk I have thought of you so much.  I wish we could share couch time, our jean clad legs and bare feet curled up under us as we talked and talked the hours away.  Pouring encouraging wisdom into each new subject, with an ease that only a lifetime of knowing someone can produce.

Both of our lives have been on a bumpy path....

There has been lots of laughter and joy.......  hurt and pain...... and then the search to regain the joy.  I am very aware of an emptiness, an ache that lurks in your soul.  The one way down in there that you don't let people see, or even really want to think about.  It is the one that confronts you when the nights are long and quiet, and life is just overwhelming enough to bring it to the surface involuntarily.

I know all about this ache.... because I have had it.  Some days I still live with this ache.  Some days it envelops me and it's grip is so tight, I think I might die from the weight of it.  When we talked, you said how perfect my life sounded, how I seemed to be doing everything right.....  Those words haunt me. 

My life is not perfect.

At all.

I fail so much more than I succeed.

When we were young we made a promise to each other......besides the one that we would always be friends.... we promised that we would pray for each other, and that we would love each other as sisters in Christ..... 

I stand before you to ask your forgiveness.  I failed you in that promise.  My own life, my own selfish life, got in the way......  and I beg your forgiveness.

I resolve to return to that promise that we made to each other long ago.  I resolve to make it a reality to pray for you, and love you, to rebuild what time has torn down.  I want to share the burden of the emptiness that you are feeling, and let you know how I made it through.

If you'll let me......
I'm here.........


1 comment:

I love hearing from you! Thanks for stopping by, I look forward to your comments!

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